The Measure of a Man
by MaraSil
Summary: Maria measures the Captain for some play clothes. WARNING: There's nothing explicit here, but a lot is implied. Complete, and completely ridiculous.


**The Measure of a Man**

This was written for the Alphabet Challenge (M is for Measurements) at **A Note to Follow So** Fan Forum. It is purely for fun and not meant, by any measure – or measurement – to be taken seriously!

**WARNING: There's nothing explicit here, but a lot is implied.**

* * * * *

"I merely agreed to go on an outing to 'your' mountain. I don't see the need for all of _this_."

"Please be reasonable, Georg. How do you expect to play with the children if you're not suitably attired?"

"But play clothes? Really, Maria, it's ludicrous!"

"You don't want to disappoint the children, do you? Think of how they'll feel when you can't join them in races or tumbling challenges because your precious clothing won't allow you the necessary freedom and flexibility."

"Fine. You know I can deny you nothing when you look at me that way. What do we need to do?"

"It's quite simple. I just need to take your measurements. I'll take care of selecting appropriate fabrics, and you know I'm an efficient seamstress. As long as I take careful measurements now, we won't need many fittings later. That will speed up the process."

"Very well. Let's just get this over with."

"Well, I can't measure you like that. You'll have to take off your clothes."

"I just thought of something. Why can't you just measure some of my other clothes? Do I even need to be here for this?"

"Oh yes, your presence is absolutely required. These garments will be completely different from the rest of your clothing. I need true and exact measurements. You can keep the tie on, but as for the jacket and shirt, off. Now."

"Tyrant!"

"That's better. Now hold out your arms. I'll begin with your chest and waist. Hmm…I do believe, my dear Captain, that you've put on a little weight."

"One of the hazards of being happily married, I suppose. I hold you entirely responsible."

"That's done. Now I need to measure your hips and thighs. You'll have to remove your trousers."

"Are you certain all of this is necessary for _play clothes_?"

"Of course! We can't have you going out in public in ill-fitting clothing. What would the neighbors say? You do have a reputation to maintain."

"I fail to see how my reputation will be maintained when I leave the house in _play clothes_!"

"Really, Georg, is it such a hardship to remove your clothing?"

"Well, not when you put it that way. Fine, I'll remove my trousers."

"There's still so much fabric in the way. Would you mind removing your…?"

"Not at all. There, you are now completely free to measure whatever you want."

"Oh yes, that's much better. Goodness, you're quite…toned."

"Just one more thing for which I must put the blame squarely on you, my dear."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"Really. Anyway, it's not like you haven't seen it all before."

"It's much more difficult to see in the dark. There's a whole other level of appreciation in the light of day."

"Do you plan on staring at me all afternoon or might you perhaps consider measuring me sometime soon? I'm getting cold."

"I'm so sorry, you must forgive me. I got distracted. Just stand very still. Yes, that's right. That's perfect."

"That…that tickles."

"My apologies."

"No need. It wasn't entirely unpleasant. I would even say… good Lord, do you really have to measure _that_?"

"I'm not measuring it! I'm merely being thorough. After all, I need to be sure that the trousers will fit properly. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, I suppose so, but…oh my…"

"My goodness, it's going to be so much more difficult to get accurate measurements when they keep…changing."

"You are a wicked woman. How did I fail to notice that before I married you?"

"That's odd, I've never heard you complaining before."

"Believe me, I'm not complaining. I'm…gah!"

"Oh dear, it will never fit in your trousers now. Whatever shall I do? Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, there just might… be one place… where it might… fit..."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

_An hour later…_

"What are we going to do about my play clothes? Do you think we can manage to get through another attempt at taking my measurements?"

"Did I forget to tell you? I asked your tailor for your measurements last week. Your play clothes are already hanging in the closet!"


End file.
